it's okay*

"It’s okay to go at your pace. Even if that’s different from someone you admire" ~ kristin noelle

Kristen tweeted this today and it came to me at exactly the right time so I thought I would pass it along to you, it could possibly be something you are needing to hear. 

Feelings have been coming up for me lately that I'm not proud of and that I seriously thought were behind me but a few instances have rubbed me the wrong way and I'm trying to wade through them and see what they are all about.  I'm sure it has to do with feeling like I'm behind (behind on what?!) life?  but the fact remains that I have 2 children that I want to be around for and I'm not allowed the luxury of being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want.  I have others to consider.  There have been shameful times when I wish I could turn back the clock and make a few changes but the truth is I would never do that.  I wouldn't give up what I have now.  I have what I have now because of them and the way my life has been since having them.  I find myself telling Kadison more often than not about not always wanting what "they" have and being happy with what you have.  But I think I need to be telling myself that.  To tell myself that I am exactly where I need to be right now.  To have patience.  To relax and enjoy what is in front of me.  We teach what we need to learn don't we.  Or they teach us.

Feelings of lonliness and abandonment have been coming up too and to admit that is very scary and again, thinking..."aren't I over this yet?" but I guess not.  The difference now though,  I see the feelings, I acknowledge them and try to figure out what is going on to make these all come up?  I am more aware and that's the difference.  But still, it's hard to get to the core of it and move on.  Little by little.  Small steps. 

Here's to acknowledging it's all okay and that we're all okay.