going fast or slow*
over the past week I've had a few different experiences that have broken me open ....
noticing in the moment, that "wow, this is how it is for ME, this is how I feel" or "it really doesn't need to be THIS way?" or "taking it all bit by bit is really ok, and better anyway" and "my eating habits tie to everthing else in my life" and "I live with anxiety pretty much all the time" ~ wow, seriously I thought I was pretty aware in my life but when things open up and pieces of me fall away and light gets shown in very dark places; places I wasn't even aware were there, well... ya, you guessed it.
I need to slow down. I want to slow down. I want to be able to control the mind a bit more, the constant anxiety that fuels me minute by minute. I want to be able to not get so overwhelmed by the WHOLE thing and look at it in parts and small pieces. Small intentions will last longer and make the most progress.
I feel like I've been such a "debbie downer" in my life and I surely don't want to live that way or look that way...especially when I knew I could "do" THIS life of supporting myself by doing what I love or living in a way that felt better for me. I took that leap because I believed in myself and the life I wanted. So what happened?
I'm not sure what exactly happened, but I know the constant hustling is exhausting and the being pulled in so many directions is tiring too. So without having to give up anything, I need to create some boundries, some structure and create small intentions for myself and the life I really want.
I truly believe all the "AHA Moments" over the past week have truly been gifts that I need and want. They just smacked me in the face a couple of times, that's all :) But I know, like Tiff would say "it's all learning..." sometimes we just want to stop learning, but we never do.
This path I'm on, this life of mine, I look back and I could of taken so many other roads, such different roads...and one can never really know where those would of lead...but man, the ones I have chosen have given me so much joy, love and transformation that all I can really do is .....put my hands on my lap, breath in and out and accept that where I am is "exactly" where I need to be.