what to wear * a poem

There once was a time where I used to get up in the morning
and think "would i want to die in these clothes today?"
yes, death was like my best friend, my companion
in my back pocket kind of thing 
yes, there once was a time when I would get dressed and look at myself
in the mirror and think this might be the last time i see this face

But then the one night when life felt like it couldn't get any worse
I left the house in black soccer shorts, unshaved legs, a white tank top with a red bra and thought
this is it
this is the night……

obviously it wasn't
but being admitted into a hospital with those clothes
wasn't my plan
those weren't the clothes, the particular pieces i wanted to have on
not the clothes i would of consciously chose to wear for 3 days

Sometime life shows up and we don't get choices
but then sometimes life shows up and we have to make very
conscious choices about what we want to put on because when we
look down or find ourselves in front of that mirror something has to save us
something has to catch us

for this girl it's come to be color
~ color in all shades helps 
helps like i need to be helped
Some day this might not be the case
but for now this is what it takes.

prompted by:

What She Was Wearing
by Denver Butson

this is my suicide dress
she told him
I only wear it on days
when I’m afraid
I might kill myself
if I don’t wear it

you’ve been wearing it
every day since we met
he said

and these are my arson gloves
so you don’t set fire to something?

he asked


and this is my terrorism lipstick
my assault and battery eyeliner
my armed robbery boots

I’d like to undress you he said
but would that make me an accomplice?

and today she said I’m wearing
my infidelity underwear
so don’t get any ideas

and she put on her nervous breakdown hat
and walked out the door