*surprises

My vulnerability has been pushed and tested this week
Even before this week I was feeling a bit on the edge of something
After my weekend in NY, like I mentioned earlier
something shifted

I'm not one to cry, I'm not one to really go deep
not because I don't *want* to
It's just not in me to do that
But something shifted and I was feeling it
I was in that space of being on the edge of something

Then Tuesday happened
I was a bit off
I knew something but couldn't put words to it
I received the calls - the multiple calls and just knew something happened

My younger sister had been in a car accident
The phone call you don't ever want to get
I instantly cried, I was instantly scared and vulnerable
Feeling so helpless, so far away from her

Looking back I'm so relieved that it came so easily
I worry I don't have it in me
To feel that deeply
But when I'm pushed, it does show up
I've been feeling a bit raw, a bit seen, a bit on the edge

It's good, it's really good
Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to have to go through "this" in order to feel something
My sister is going to be OK and I am forever grateful for that
I'm going to be OK too, we all are
But after something like this, we're all a bit changed
for the good